I was talking to a pilot friend once who kept trying to convince me that air travel was the safest form of travel that there was, and that his airline had the safest record in the air. I asked him about a recent crash and he told me “That wasn’t a crash, that was just an unexpected landing. And besides, that doesn’t count because it wasn’t in the air. All of the damage to that aircraft happened on the ground (actually it happened when the aircraft STRUCK the ground at a high rate of speed.) Pilots are such assholes
I don’t like to fly, but occasionally I have no other options. It’s not so much that I’m scared, it’s more because I don’t fit onto airplanes. I’m 6’7” and weigh 300lbs. You don’t want to sit next to me on a plane. I swear they are making them smaller every year. I have to wedge myself in, my legs are too long my hips are too wide and I’m just too tall. It’s not just uncomfortable, it’s painful. This is the main reason that I do not like to fly.
Last year I was headed up to Canada for my job. The plan was to fly into Buffalo, rent a car, and then drive across the border to Hamilton, Ontario. A hurricane had hit Mexico earlier in the week and then decided to saunter its way upward through the US in a leisurely meandering fashion. What was left of this weather system decided to visit Niagara Falls and was hanging out in the Buffalo area. We flew right through the middle of it. I’ve never ridden on anything like that in my life. I’ve ridden out hurricanes at sea, I’ve ridden bucking horses, I’ve ridden roller coasters. I’ve even ridden a bicycle down a flight of stairs, None of that compared to this. It was like being on the inside of a paint mixer at Sherwin Williams... and I was ready to do some painting inside that plane. People all around me were filling up their air-sickness bags and praying to every deity they could think of. I wasn’t worried about crashing. Planes don’t crash because of turbulence, however crashing was an acceptable alternative to what was going on. Land this thing at the airport or Divebomb this fucker into a corn field, JUST GET ME OFF OF THIS GODDAMNED AIRPLANE.
At least I got a song out of it
lyrics
Hell at 30,000ft
(Jeff Wall)
I’m stuck here on this aeroplane, praying for my life
I don’t believe in Jesus, except when I have to fly
he said “Low, I am with ye”, but he said nothing about up high
I’m stuck here in this airplane and I think I’m gonna die
Yes I think I’m gonna die
This constant up and down is getting more than I can stand
I’m screaming like a little kid and I’m a full growed man
Hey there Mr Pilot, you can keep my fare
Just put my ass upon the ground I really don’t care where
Yes I really don’t care where
Maybe just a little something from that liquor cart
Whiskey, Beer or heroin, I don’t know where to start
Just a little something for my worried head
to make tomorrow easier when I wake up dead
Yes When I wake up dead
They say heavens up above the clouds and Hells deep underground
I hate to tell you people but it’s the other way around
Hells at 30 thousand feet way up in the sky
The Devil’s got his Pilots license and we’re all gonna die
Yes we’re all gonna die
Acoustic Hillbilly, Honky-Tonk, Bluegrass Music with heart, soul, and God's honest truth. He'll make you laugh, he'll make you cry, he'll make you tap your foot.
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